I have loved Opera since I was fourteen years old. I was a total dork in high school so unlike all of the kids that were meeting up with friends on saturday nights and having sleepovers I was at home channel surfing while my dad gave my mom foot a massage. As usual, nothing was on until I stumbled upon a Metropolitan Opera broadcast "Die Entfuhrung aus dem Serail" and I was entranced. I didn't know what in hell I was listening to but it was glorious and I was in love. I decided soon after that I was meant to sing Opera and was blessed with a father that always went out of his way to make sure I had the chance to at least try the things I was interested in. He found a student at a local University to give me lessons on saturdays and until I went to college, Opera was my life.
My folks would buy me tickets to the Opera and though no one ever wanted to go with me I loved every performance. Though there was always a nagging in the back of my mind that I would never be good enough to end up on the stage still I dreamt. I was pretty good too, I won first place for DC in the NAACP ACT-SO competition, well the regionals at least. I also studied at a National Opera Houses young artist program. The one thing that little stupid didn't do is study her Music Theory and Piano skills. Man, when I went to college I thought that I was going to blow those people away with my voice. That's when I was stunned into the reality that I was in way over my head . These guys had been studying the Piano and Music Theory since they were little and had been performing in programs and shows for years. The most I had done outside of my little aforementioned triumphs was sing in church for my Dad at his Anniversary's.
Music Theory is an evil, one eyed, vindictive bitch that takes no prisoners. I'm talking too much so just let me say that I failed that class three times before I left. I was pretty good at Piano but without Theory I was nothing. I thought that I had a great voice but without the protective cocoon of my family and friends giving me support and confidence I really sucked. I got cotton mouth whenever I sang and never tried out for anything. The only place I flourished was in my voice lessons. Those were my sanctuary and the only place that I was truly happy. The final straw came when, after my Theory final, my teacher told me that I should consider a career outside of singing because my theory was terrible. I understand helpful criticism but telling me that broke my heart. She was telling me that although I have a fantastic voice that with training would only grow stronger and that I must stop singing because I can't grasp a subject that won't really serve me once I leave college. Theory is incredibly important don't get me wrong but not being good at it is no reason to throw away your dreams. After that and being told to take a break I decided to leave and stay gone and it was the stupidest decision of my life.
Opera makes me feel a joy in my heart that I have never experienced doing anything else. I am now a makeup artist and though I do enjoy making people look and feel their best, I don't want to do this forever. I'd be just as happy making only myself look and feel good. I regret not getting my degree every day of my life especially when I think about where I could be right now had I just gone ahead and stuck it out. That's why I hate it whenever anyone asks me when I'm going back. What do they really want me to say? "Tomorrow, i'll go tomorrow", you have just given me the push that I need to get this done. Geez, I don't know what I'm gonna do or when I'm gonna do it, I know that time is a ticking and that I may very well blow it by not going soon but you asking only pisses me off and embarrasses me. I know what I have to do and when I'm ready to do it damnit, I will. You hear that Sis....
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