Ode to sister Skinny Jeans. i'm bored...

You smoke like a Chimney, You eat like a hog, You drink like a fish and You sleep like a log.
You think you're immortal but let's not pretend Continue indulging Your life will soon end.
You're huffing and puffing from doing one squat. You claim that you're healthy All I say is NOT!
I try to persuade you a fruitless endeavor. I say eat this salad You shriek and say Never! You can go no further than past your front yard cause all of your goodies are soaking in lard.
Please don't pass out somewhere that I can't find you. Be smart and put all this gluttony behind you. I hope you don't lapse into some deep coma I guess I'll just wait and then follow the aroma.

Your favorite food groups are Crisco and Cola, I won't donate organs I'll just shrug and say told ya!
I know you were brought up on Fried chicken and corn but it's been thirty years since the day you were born. You're skinny and cute and muscular to boot but you're veins remind me of Magnolia tree roots.
It's hard to kick habits before you see damage, keep eating like this and the guys will say damn b****.

In the bible it says that the bodies a temple, God didn't know that you were so simple. A temple is meant to be adorned and praised. A Temple's not meant to be basted and braised. You're temple could do with a nice herbal cleanse just remember to go out and buy some Depends.

I say these things not to hurt or betray you. You're nice and that's how I want to portray you. I love you and want you to be here for years. You're lifestyle is going to have us in tears.

If you end up hooked up to an iron lung, don't expect me to come feed you your tums. Heart pills are costly but exercise cheap. I won't pay your healthcare so please don't weep if instead of a coffin you lie in a heap. A heap in the backlot of some cemetery in a bag that say Hefty or Ziploc or Jerry's.

Maybe instead we should just cremate you. Then you'll know how it feels to be Satan's teammate too. I'll keep you in a bucket next to my waist bin, It's not fair how you eat and still keep your waist thin. Cremations a good choice if you should expire, I'll admit that I do want to set you on fire.

In closing, I'll say that I really do love you. I just hope I don't have to say this from the ground above you. You inspired this silly rambling without even knowing as I watch you eat like a lawn mower mowing.
Slow down, swallow, is all I suggest. Bones aren't meant for you to ingest. Keep smiling, keep laughing and remember my words. If we can't trace your scent you'll be food for the birds.