Well, I'm about two weeks too late but...

Happy Fathers Day Daddy!

I'm am the single crappiest daughter on the face of the Earth. I didn't do anything for Fathers Day this year. I didn't visit my Dad, I didn't go to church or say anything to my Mom about him. I just went on like it was any other day. I used to visit him every week after church when he first died but then I quit going to church and eventually my visit's ended too. Going to church and not seeing him in the Pulpit preaching was just too much for me and I didn't feel like I was with my church family anymore and a friend of mine told me that my visits to him were morbid and wouldn't bring him back. I shouldn't have listened to my friend because that is my Daddy and I'll damn well do as I please if it makes me feel better.

I just recently started church hopping and it feels so weird. I was a member of my Dad's church my whole life and I'm used to a certain type of service and I can't help but be bothered by certain things now. The church I went to last sunday was really nice until they got to the offering. My Dad never hassled people for donations by telling them how much they should give or lecturing them for not giving enough and this church went on for a good ten minutes about how much we should tithe, and how offering had to start at ten dollars. I was just really uncomfortable with that. I think that I am looking for things to dislike about churches as well because I just want to go to my dad's church and since he isn't here I'd just rather not go. We'll see...

Back to Dad. He was everything that I hope to be someday and am proud to say that I am alot like him. I once saw him actually give the coat off his back to a young man walking to school one cold fall morning. He was very shy but he knew how to suck it up when he needed to and get down to business. He hated to fight and whenever he had to he would look miserable afterwards and need to be alone for a few minutes. In my entire life we only got to go on one vacation when I was nineteen because he was always afraid to leave the church. We went to Disney World and had a great time just hanging out. He passed away three months later and he told me that it was the best week of his life. I miss him a lot but I don't have any regrets, I just get sad sometimes. I had the best possible sendoff with him, my sisters didn't get that and I think that's why they are still so torn up about it at times. The day before he left he told me that I was his best friend. The day he passed, he took me back to college and when I got out of the car I told him that I love him, gave him a big hug and said that I would see him next week. Well, I didn't see him but I know that I will so i'll be patient.

P.S. Thanks for sneaking me all of those candy bars dad.