I was your typical shy teenager. I didn't have a lot of friends and on weekends it was usually my parents and I down at the IHOP or watching a movie. That sounds like a lot of fun and it was but it really inhibited me. I have never found it easy to talk to people without blushing and damn near having a pulmonary embolism. My dad was incredibly shy as well and in his line of work that was a trait that was very tricky to get around. My dad was the pastor of our church and I was always so amazed to watch him walk into the Pulpit, you could hear a slight tremor in his voice but five minutes later he was transformed into a confident man of God on a mission.
I was never able to transition that easily from Wallflower to happy participant. I was recently told by someone that I am a pessimist. I never thought about it but it's not the first time I've heard that. The first time was on my prom night. Now what in the world was going on on my prom night that it would even come up? Maybe there is something to be considered here. Well the recent guy said that I am always waiting for the worst possible scenario to go down. Apparently I am afraid that if anyone shows the slightest interest in getting to know me, they will learn what a loser I am and I will be totally embarrassed. Okay, he's got a point. I am a bit of a late bloomer. I feel sometimes that I am so far behind all of the people I know that are my age. I feel like I should be so much further ahead. My only solace is in the fact that I have always clung to the belief that whatever is meant for you won't pass you by. I also know that most people feel like they are lagging behind in one way or another.
I have a job that I don't really hate but I could like it a lot more if I weren't so nervous all the time. It's a job that requires that I be right in peoples face while being "charming, informative, kind and engaging". I'm not good at the whole engaging thing but it's a great job and I want to excel so I'm gonna have grow some balls asap. My voice teacher once told me that I was as cute as a button ( what does that mean ) and charming too. I've always held onto that when I've felt a little loserish. I'm so sick of the knot in my stomach and the cold sweat on my nose when I have to meet someone new or try something different. Advice is always welcome.
Oh my goodness, I've just read over this thing and can't believe how many sentences I started off with I. Ms. Nalepa told me in the third grade not to do that but I'm too lazy to change it now. I'm trying to get better at this writing thing so I'll do better next time. Gotta stop talking about myself so much. My family is full of nutballs that are much more screwed up and entertaining than me.
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2 comments:
i have that same problem. I can be really shy but i realized that i am only so b/c i am nervous about what people will think of me. When I realized that it was much easier for me to put one foot in front of the other and become the "life of the party"
I'm way less nervous now than I used to be.
That's what i'm trying to do because it is mentally exhausting being so caught up in what I'm afraid that others will think of me. I doubt that I will ever be the life of the party but maybe I won't be afraid to talk to the life of the party soon.
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