I need professional help or an English tutor.

I don't really think that I'm a extremely self absorbed person but I just read my last post and cannot believe how many of my sentences start with "I". Mrs. Nalepa, my third grade teacher always said that we shouldn't begin all of our sentences with the word "I" because it's boring and lazy. I'm going to believe that I'm just lazy and boring for now and go brush up on my grammar because the other possibility is very unattractive.

My life hurts...

My job has me standing on my feet all day walking in circles. So damn boring but the money is good and every hour or so I get to have about fifteen minutes of fun so I guess that forty five minutes of tedium isn't so bad. At least I have a job. I'm working on not being such a self absorbed whiner and I have to tell you, it's no fun. I like talking about myself, thinking about myself and fantasizing about myself. I do like cooking for others though. That's how I nurture, and i'm damn good at it too. I just made the best yellow sheet cake with cream cheese frosting and I have nobody to feed it to.

That's my biggest problem, I like to cook but I also like to eat and that's why I can't shed those pesky ten pounds. See, talking about myself again...I have taken a week long break on the work outs. I usually work out Mon thru Fri but every couple of months my knees just go to hell and the idea of a squat or a lunge just scares me to death. I keep having daydreams about being in the middle of a set of lunges and my knee bone just popping out of it's socket and tearing through my skin, leaving me in a pile on the floor screaming for help in my basement where no one can hear me. Knee bone, you like that don't you. Well, i'm too lazy to look up the medical terminology right now.

I want to write a book, or maybe just a short story. I want to do something and finish it. I want to impress someone. I impress myself already but the things that I do aren't really things that I can show off. "Hey look at this new scarf I knitted" isn't the show stopper you'd think it is. I don't know why but it pisses me off when people don't gush over the food that I cook for them. (More on my Thanksgiving feast when I feel up to not being a lazy ass). Suffice it to say that I cooked a HUGE holiday feast and was left home alone to eat it, I even brined the damn turkey for 24 hours. I make the best peach pie in the world and whenever I give a piece to this Male person that I know he acts like it's from the frozen food section. Bitch, those are ripe Cling peaches from the heart of Georgia, I made the dough from scratch. You better recognize!

This male person, figure???? has a buddy that has been making him upside down cakes and strawberry cupcakes( which I recently found out are by way of Ms. Betty Crocker!) for years and you'd think that she had won the Pillsbury bake off the way this fool gushes. Me though, after one bite and not even a raised eyebrow in appreciation. He' s lucky I don't take it straight from the oven and smear it in his face.

What was I talking about in the first place? This post wasn't supposed to go there. Ok let's see, I was talking about work place boredom, achey knees and a need to impress. I titled this thing "My life Hurts" because whenever someone complains about aches and pains I respond by saying My life hurts. I don't know what it means, my sister is the original complaininator and I remember that after hearing one to many complaints I responded with that little gem. Now, I just say it to be a jackass. Plus, I just always pick horrible titles.

Ok, well enough about me. Not really, but bye.

I wish I was as brave as you!

I have had a few people look at my hair and then tell me how brave I must be to wear such a daring style. Just so you know, I wear dreadlocs......I'm not walking around here with a hot pink Mohawk or a blonde mullet. I just have shoulder length locs that are clean and neat.

Why do I wear locs? Well let's just say that at the age of sixteen a very talkative hairstylist that was too concerned with what so and so did to whoozy whatzy left the relaxer in my hair too long and I went bald in the back of my head so I had to let it go for a while. Well then my simple ass went back to this troll and got a bowl cut and found out later that she had used dirty clippers on my head and that I had folliculitis. Well, two weeks of antibiotics and four rounds of steroid shots in my scalp at $100.00 a pop left me wary of going to beauty salons.

I decided a few years ago that I would relax my hair at home but first I would go natural for about six months so that I could have a nice head of shiny straight hair but at about month five something strange happened. I went to the beauty supply to buy a relaxer and left with locking gel. i had a big fluffy Afro and I loved it and I haven't looked back. I'm happy with my decision but I don't think I'm brave. This is my hair and the advantages for me are much greater than they were with straight hair. I can exercise every day and not worry about sweating my edges out. I can drive with my windows down and not mess up my style. If I could swim, I would, but I can't so......

I believe that woman should do to their hair whatever they feel works for them but I can't help but feel that black women straighten their hair because we feel that what we were given naturally is unattractive. Four Hundred and some odd years of being told that you are disgusting will do that to you but I am sad that we go to such lengths to be something that we aren't when what we have is so much fun. I've heard so many women say that they only straighten their hair because it's so much more versatile but most of the ladies I see with relaxers just wear it in a pony tail every day. What's versatile about that and if versatility is what you want wouldn't your natural hair be a part of that arsenal? Look, I really don't care what people do with their hair, I just want them to be happy with what they are without changing a thing.

I have never been insulted about my hair by a white person. No, only people that look like me like to do that type of shit. Even when I relaxed my hair I would get teased and called a nappy headed bitch for nothing. Even when you can't see the kinks people still talk about them.

I don't really know what my point is anymore. I started writing only to talk about why I went natural and now I'm preaching at people which is not my intention. I just see all of these beautiful women out their with their played out weaves and wigs that aren't fooling anyone and their home relaxers that have left them practically bald and I wonder if they know how beautiful they would be with a big ass fro, long shiny locs and a big beautiful smile. We are perfect the way we are and if only took me going bald, spending six hundred dollars in medical bills, being stabbed in the back of the head with a needle full of acid and hating myself for a short while to see that.

Turner Classic Movie's alright!!

I just made the mistake? of watching "Birth of a Nation" and I really don't know what else to say. I have known about this movie forever and finally now having a chance to watch it, couldn't resist. I'm gonna let it sink in and then maybe I'll have something more to say. More than likely though, I will just have ball of anxiety, anger, confusion and sadness in my tummy for a few days and get over it like I always do. Man I gotta get fired up about something and stick with it for once. I just can't ever seem to keep my righteous indignation fired up long enough to make a difference about anything. I mean, I like baking, listening to Opera and poop jokes. I'm not that complex. Anyway....

I just spent Two Hundred dollars on clothes I don't even want for a job that demands that I only wear black which is ridiculous because I work in a field where I often spill shit all over myself and it' just stands out more on black clothes. When I think of all of the candy and magazines, music and novels, face creams and vitamins I could have bought with Two Hundred dollars....I gag.

I'm still addicted to sugar. I exercise like a dog and eat right all week and screw it up on Saturday with my nearly rotten sweet tooth. I saw a 20/20 special once about a woman on trial for killing her adopted son by poisoning him with salt and red pepper flakes but it believed by everyone that her son ate a lethal amount of salt on his own because he had a disorder that made him crave salt. I wonder if you can have an addiction, I mean a real addiction to sugar. If so, I think I have that. I mean, I ate the entire center of a chocolate cake at once a few months ago.

I wish that I could blog like the rest of you. I don't ever know what to say. I would love to speak on politics like so many of you because along with my exciting County Trotting career as a beauty representative I am actually quite interested and up to date on my world news but whenever I feel the urge to share my opinion on something I think about how many people have probably already done a better job at it than I and give up.

My locs look like shit sometimes. They are finally at my shoulders and I think that your average schlep rock would say that I have pretty hair but they are just so damn fuzzy. I hate that...

I guess if you wanna read about racist turn of the century cinema, food addictions and bad hair do's I'm your girl because the important things in life just aren't my cup of Sugar.